Mixed Feelings

      Have you ever experienced mixed feelings?  You know - feelings that can be dichotomous, conflicting and confusing?  Feelings that on the one hand you’re engaging with, and then in moment’s notice, those same feelings have a canny way of presenting a betrayal?  These past few days have introduced some differing emotions within that I’m trying to reconcile.

      You see, I had the honor of traveling with three friends to Ethiopia these past few weeks on what we call a “short term” mission trip.  We taught leadership principles, we shared our convictions concerning our Maker and we were able to provide financial assistance in some pretty difficult circumstances.  All in all, this was one of my favorite trips to date; my team members and I are eternally grateful.

      My struggle, if you will, is re-entering my western world with the niceties, the privileges and the overwhelming opulence our culture affords that was absent during my brief journey; the shortage of these cultural particulars that I have come to love & cherish has a way of indicting my ungrateful heart.  Now, I’m not complaining and I understand a bit about sovereignty and providence; I’m trained in that vein and teach on it.  However, my issue is how I take the lessons I’ve learned in a foreign land and incorporate them into my daily existence.  Things like being appreciative of clean running water, of a working refrigerator that keeps my leftover meatloaf fresh, those snicker bars in the cupboard calling my name and the 17 pairs of shoes in my closet waiting to be worn.  My fear is jumping back into the rat race that defines my life & getting caught up in my daily duties that I forget.  I worry I will forget to wire money so our church there can buy a generator to provide lights for their evening worship service.  Anxious that I will be remiss in raising funds to bring water from the earth so my friends might have a cup of cold water once in a life time.  Frazzled I will neglect to pray for the precious Jews in the Felasha village that welcomed us with open arms into their synagogue last week during that crazy African rain storm. 

Well, I can go on and on, no question.  As I write my thoughts, I’m reminded of a passage recorded a number of years ago that goes like this, “… in all things be thankful, for this is God’s will for you.”  In my vernacular, “Randy, be grateful for what you have.  No need to feel guilty.  Remember where your life comes from.  Be mindful of others; be generous, benevolent and compassionate.  As you do, these mixed feelings will meld into nuggets of appreciation and an awe-inspiring gratitude for your Creator.” Hum?  When I look at these feelings from that vantage, I’m comforted and settled.  As soon as I forget the Source, I’m conflicted. 

      I met a Police Commander named Ahegnwesh a number of years ago in a town called Gondar, Ethiopia.  Last week, I wanted my friends to meet her.  Now, Ahegnwesh lives in a tiny shack, no running water and a bathroom that is nothing more than a hole in the ground; her stove is Eucalyptus branches.  This gal is amazing.  No she doesn’t have what we have, yet in many ways, she has so much more.  She has continual joy, a smile that speaks volumes of a blessed heart and a way about her that is so contagious.  She had us in her little hut to provide a traditional Ethiopian coffee ceremony.  During our two hour visit, she could not stop smiling; giggling and telling us how much she loved us.  When I showed Ahegnwesh my MBPD identification, she slapped me on the arm and said, “…ah!”  Not sure what that meant, but I do know it was a sock of affirmation. 

      You’ve heard that a picture speaks a thousand words?  Check out Ahegnwesh’s picture below, her face glows with contentment, grace and life is good.  And, I submit to you her life is focused on the comforting love of her Designer.

 

            Well, thanks for hearing me out.  I’m still working through this and you would think I’d have this figured out after 30 of these trips overseas.  But I do know one thing, the more I look up the more I am grateful for what’s before.  Have a great day and offer a word of thanks for what you have, it is a gift from above.