Last month, the Estero Bay Alliance for Care (EBAC) and the City of Morro
Bay hosted a seminar that highlighted the needs within our community; namely,
needs ranging from those who are struggling to make ends meet to the needs of
our homeless population. The turnout was
spectacular and you could almost feel a vibe of altruism in the air as many
encouraged attendees signed up to help.
We discovered that the citizens of Morro Bay have all one thing in
common, a heart to help. It's a heart
characterized by a spirit of giving, a magnanimous way about them that drives
them to serve, to help, to assist and to come through for the needy, the less
fortunate, the homeless, those who simply need a helping hand. It's this selfless part of our community that
makes living on the Central Coast truly a blessing. The volunteers from EBAC
are so encouraged and we are confident that the future is bright.
As we've had time to soak-in that great day last month, one persistent
question continues to come to mind.
Specifically, how can and how do we provide tools and resources to help
those in need? When are we suspect of
enabling and when are we responsible for empowering? Our heart as a volunteer group is to empower
one to a lifestyle of productivity and to never enable one in their cycle of
brokenness. And you know, there's a fine
line between enabling someone and empowering someone. When do we help one in need? How often?
How much do we give? When do we
say no when helping might be wrong? Is it
wrong? What is tough love? What is genuine, authentic love? These questions have been in our thoughts for
some time now and to be honest, I'm not sure I have the answer. This is really a tough road to walk and one
that requires extreme wisdom and discernment.
This morning in my staff meeting at my church,
I asked my team to define both of these words in context of helping those in
need. Here's what they came up with:
- Enable: giving someone permission to continue in negative behavior; giving the means and encouragement to do those things that destroy them.
- Empower: to give someone what they need to succeed; to provide the necessary tools to help someone win.
We have a
saying at the fellowship that goes like this, "Never enable someone that
God is disabling." In other words,
the very kind heart so many of us have might be the exact opposite gesture the
one who is struggling needs. Now, I need
to throw out a disclaimer: I have no question or doubt that the 40,000
residents of San Luis Obispo County who received 5.4 million pounds of food in
2012 are hard working, productive citizens.
This is in no way is a slur or a negative on their situation - as the
saying goes, many are one pay check away from great challenge. This is truly the majority of those we help -
great people who have come into hard times.
The issue arises with a small segment of our society that this
differentiating between enabling and empowering must be addressed.
A number of years ago, back in
my corporate days, I had a premonition that I needed to help a homeless
man. He was sitting in front of a Mobil
gas station in La Jolla, Ca. I was
having lunch at an exclusive restaurant across the street with a buddy. Well, my heart was to help, but my head said
no. I told myself, "If he is still
there after my meal, I will help him!"
Well, my $30 meal was terrible, not because the Elephant Bar had a bad
chef, but because I was denying what I had to do, namely, help the guy. After an hour and a half, I walked out of my lunch
date and guess what? You're right: he
was still there. I drove over and grabbed
a new Bible I had in my car and put $5.00 in it (what a generous guy,
right...five bucks?). I walked up to him
and said, "Sir, I have something for you." I handed him the Bible and proceeded to tell
him there was a whopping Lincoln enclosed.
He looked at me, stood up and with tears in his eyes, he said,
"Dude, thank you so much. I was
robbed the other day. They took my backpack
and my Bible. Oh, this is the greatest
gift I could ever have. Thank you!" I replied, "Your welcome. Hey, there's $5.00 in there too." He answered, "I don't want your money,
this Bible is all I need!" Well,
needless to say, I was humbled and blessed.
Back to our question, or
dilemma, if you will - where's the fine line?
I'm not sure; however, I do know this: we as people are called to help
'the other'. Regardless of the
situation, regardless of the person, I feel that we're compelled to give out of
our self to help, to assist and to bless.
My favorite Rabbi (as my buddy and former cop Richard calls Jesus) said
one day, "... to the least of these, you've done it unto Me!" I love this thought: when I help someone in
need, it is as if I am doing it for my Creator.
That helps me in the whole enabling and empowering discussion; if I see
a need, I am called to fill it, to fill it with wisdom and discernment, to have
grace for the recipient; and, to remove self out of the equation.
Maybe that's the answer: to help,
to pray and to serve those in need and leave the results to them and their
Maker? Well, these are some of my
thoughts - I'm not convinced I've figured it out though. Hey, if you have any insight, please feel
free to share them, we would love and appreciate your input. Thanks for reading, have a great day!
